


How It Is

by SunshineForEveryone



Series: How It Is [1]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Implied Relationships, Mild Language, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sacrifice Chloe Ending, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-09-16 14:58:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9277109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineForEveryone/pseuds/SunshineForEveryone
Summary: After the murder of former Blackwell student, Chloe Price, the world of the prestigious art school was thrown for a loop. As life begins to stabilize and settle back into normalcy, Kate Marsh notices her best friend, Max Caulfield, has not been adjusting well. She takes it upon herself to make sure Max is recovering and has a shoulder to cry on if she needs it.





	1. A Welcome Respite

A heavy sigh sounded out through the girl’s dorm hallway, giving it a bit of life on this chilly Friday evening. The school had definitely changed ever since the murder. The hallways were more quiet and the rumors and gossip about the Prescott family were the talk of the campus. Nobody wanted to say anything out loud. The risk of being heard by the wrong ears was just too great. It was honestly not something Kate Marsh wanted to participate in either way, though. She knew that things would turn out for the best and her input could only hurt rather than harm.  
  
As she sighed, she slowly walked down the hallway, thinking about everything from the past two weeks. A former student, Chloe Price, shot and killed in the girl’s bathroom. The events following were a total blur to her. There were reporters and police and canceled classes and counselors everywhere. It was like the world came to a full stop for Kate, and being that the world was crumbling in on her a few days prior, this was a welcome respite.  
  
Still, there was one thing that continued to bother her about the murder. Nathan may have been locked away in an institution and Mark Jefferson may have been arrested and currently awaiting trial, but Kate’s worries were still clear.  
  
Max Caulfield was arguably her best friend on campus. Of course, she also had Dana Ward, Juliet Watson and a few other people from around school who would say hi to her and provide some nice small talk. But Max was really the only person she felt comfortable actually going into town and spending the day with. She couldn’t quite put her finger on why. Perhaps it was because they both had a bit of awkward tendencies and were content to be themselves instead of getting mixed up in popularity contests and worrying about there image. Who really knew?  
  
Ever since the murder of her best childhood friend, she rarely saw Max anymore. She had gone back to stay with her parents for a bit of time, but she ultimately decided to come back and finish out her senior year at Blackwell. Kate was happy when she heard the news, but seeing her so lifeless and devoid of emotion most of the time really tugged on her heart strings.  
  
She wasn’t entirely sure how to go about rebuilding the bridge of friendship between them, but she knew she had to. Not only for Max’s sake, but for her own sake, as well. Even if Victoria’s bullying had decreased substantially, she still felt a bit lonely without her and Max’s Sunday tea dates.  
  
Kate walked up to Max’s door and took in a deep breath, steeling her nerves. There was no denying she was nervous and she truthfully had every reason to be. But, she wouldn’t improve without pushing herself, and she was always told that doing the right thing and being uncomfortable was better than doing nothing at all. With one last exhalation, she raised a fist up to gently rap on Max’s door.  
  
“Who is it?” Max said, voice muffled from the thick wood dividing the two girls.  
  
“Hey, Max! It’s Kate. I was…just wondering if you’d like to chat for a little bit.” Kate could hear the slight tremor in her voice, and was silently praying Max didn’t pick up on it. For a few moments, a bit of rustling was heard from inside the room. Papers shuffling, piles of clothes being tossed around the room and what sounded like a guitar bumping in to something. Before the little Christian girl knew it, the door opened halfway, allowing her entry.  
  
Tentatively, Kate pushed the door open all the way and took a few steps in. The room was messy, which was only a little unusual. Max always had a tendency to be cluttered and disorganized, but she was never truly messy. And yet, piles upon piles of clothes littered her floor and futon, and there were empty wrappers and bags of food everywhere. Bottles of water and other various beverages were strewn across her desk and the only light source came from a tiny lamp on the only clean real estate amongst her floor.  
  
Max sat on her bed, legs criss crossed. Her hair was matted to her head, looking as if she hadn’t showered in a couple days. She was dressed in her usual comfortable jeans and t shirt, her shoes still on from the day’s adventures. The fact that she let Kate in to speak with her was a sign of slight improvement, but that dark look in her eyes told Kate a different story. The bags underneath her eyes only seemed to grow more and more as the days went on. That thousand yard stare that made people uncomfortable in classrooms was now making Kate feel uneasy, now that they were one on one and in a rather dim-lit room.  
  
Still, Kate made it a point to make eye contact with her best friend and flashed her a friendly smile. After all, a traumatic event doesn’t mean someone had to love their best friend any less than they did before. In fact, they probably needed even more love than they used to. And that was exactly what Kate was trying to get across to Max. Pushing a small bit of clothes to the side on her futon, Kate parked her rear on the very corner of the cushion, keeping her legs closed and hands in her lap. Even if she could be casual with Max, she was still wearing a skirt and didn’t want to be improper.  
  
“How are you feeling, Max? I feel like we haven’t talked in forever.” It was a simple start, but a start that could potentially open avenues down different conversational paths. Max stared and blinked back at Kate for a long stretch of time, causing Kate to cringe inwardly. Painfully slowly, Max eventually shrugged her shoulders.  
  
“I’m fine.” And even simpler answer to a simple start, but it was better than nothing at all.  
  
“I’m glad to hear that, Max. Classes and everything going okay for you?” With a sniff and another shrug in response, Kate cleared her throat and smoothed out her skirt. She looked around Max’s room, noting the differences on her walls. The Polaroid pictures she hung up for her Everyday Heroes entry picture were taken down, as was…pretty much everything. The walls were completely empty and devoid of anything that made Max’s room, Max’s room. “Do you mind if I ask you a question, Max?”  
  
A bit of emotion ran across the freckled girl’s features, her brow knitting together. “Well… I suppose so. Depends on what you’re asking.” Kate’s smile perked up again and she leaned forward, trying to seem as sincere as possible.  
  
“Would you maybe be interested in having dinner and tea with me in my room? I feel bad that you’re always cooped up in here. Other than going to class, I never see you.” She swallowed, clearing her throat once more. “So…how about it, Max? Like old times?” The two stared back at each other for what felt like an eternity. Kate could physically see the gears turning in her friend’s head, weighing all the pros and cons of taking her up on her offer. And also whether or not she wanted to.  
  
“Couldn’t hurt,” Max finally answered. With a relieved sigh, Kate hopped up to her feet and clapped a few times in glee.  
  
“Oh, good! We can have whatever you want. Just say the word and it’s on me!” She flashed her best friend an even wider grin, trying to coax out some sort of excitement from her. Max’s tongue poked the inside of her cheek, features turning thoughtful.  
  
“I could go for some pizza. Pepperoni and olives.”  
  
“Sounds great to me! I’ll call up the pizza place and have it delivered.” She walked over to the door and opened it, turning around to address her friend one more time. “Feel free to change into your pajamas and come over when you’re ready. No rush.” With a final smile, she walked out into the hall, shutting the door quietly behind her.  
  
Kate all but skipped back to her own room, feeling as close to cloud nine as someone could. Even if they may not get to the root of certain issues going on with the wanna-be photographer, and even if it was just a simple dinner Kate could at least feel proud about getting Max out of her room. After all, the entire point of the evening was to give her friend the subtle hint that she would be there for her, if she wanted her to be.  
  
The blonde girl stepped into her room and quickly called up the local pizza place. Ordering their food and a bottle of soda to accompany it, she reached into her bag and pulled out her wallet to set aside the necessary amount of cash preemptively. Stripping off her skirt, blouse, and kicking off her shoes, she bundled the clothes up and put them in her hamper. She walked over to her dresser and pulled on her usual nightwear, a simple white t shirt and a pair of light blue pajama bottoms. As she began to feed her little bunny, Alice, she heard a knock on her door and called out for the visitor to come in.  
  
Unsurprisingly, Max entered her room, dressed as requested. A pair of gray short shorts now adorned her legs, complete with one of those quirky graphic tees she always seemed to wear. With a smile that could cut diamonds, Kate insisted her friend sit wherever she wished and to make herself at home. As if to emphasize her point, the cute Christian girl plopped herself down onto her couch, leaning back with a content sigh. Stiffly, Max joined her on the opposite side, looking about as comfortable as a deer in the headlights.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Kate racked her brain in order to think of something to say. It wasn’t too often the cat had her tongue. Then again, she was always more of a listener rather than a speaker. Not that she was complaining, mind you. “So,” she started, scratching the back of her head as she thought. “Have you…seen any good movies lately?” It was known that Max was a pretty big film buff. And, admittedly, it was the first thing she could think of.  
  
“Not exactly,” Max responded, voice flat. “I still have Warren’s flash drive filled with movies, but I haven’t really touched it. And he hasn’t asked for it back.”  
  
“Well, if you wanted to go and get it, we could watch a movie while we eat.” Seeing no real physical change in Max at her suggestion, Kate added, “Or not! It’s whatever you wanna do with the evening.” Max nodded slowly in agreement, eyes distant and unfocused. The worst part about her being so different nowadays was certainly that thousand yard stare. It was never easy to discern whether or not she was listening to you, or if she was just simply pretending for your sake. Trying to comfort her own self, Kate looked down to her hands in her lap.  
  
Silence reigned over the two women, but only one of them seemed uncomfortable with the fact. The would-be photographer sat still as a statue, while the would-be illustrator fidgeted every which way in her seat. “I like that picture.” The voice came so suddenly that Kate jumped a bit. She looked at her friend with slightly wider than usual eyes for a moment before following the finger pointing at her desk. On it was the picture she was talking about, that being a drawing of a rabbit pulling a doe around by leash.  
  
“Oh, thank you! I don’t really know what inspired it, really. I guess I just thought the idea of a little, shy animal leading a larger animal was kind of funny.” With a chuckle, she looked back over to Max only to find a very welcome, but still unexpected surprise. She had a small smile on her lips, the first one Kate had seen since Chloe Price had died. It was more of a hint of a smile and it certainly wasn’t ear to ear like Kate wanted to see. But it was certainly something. She didn’t want to point it out, in fear of putting Max on the spot and pushing her farther away than she already was. So, she contented herself to smiling back at her, not a word escaping her mouth.  
  
Before long, the pizza man arrived and garnered a rather loud grumble from Max’s stomach. Kate smiled to herself as she went to go retrieve some paper plates from the rec room, but her thoughts soon turned a bit darker. What if she hasn’t been eating?, she thought to herself. It would make sense if she hadn’t been. That was one more thing she would have to keep an eye out for. While still being inconspicuous, of course.  
  
After returning and sitting back down on the couch, the two dug into their dinner in that same, mostly content silence they had previously been sharing. Neither of them almost never spoke with their mouths full anyway. It was bad manners and a little awkward to do. After what seemed like mere minutes, Kate looked at the open pizza box on the floor and blinked at it. Only two slices left and she had only had one and a half of the slices that were missing. Maybe Max was eating, after all. She was tonight, at least.  
  
After cleaning up a bit and throwing out what little trash they had, Max shifted positions until she was sitting on the floor, leaving Kate still on the couch. “Is there something on your mind, Max?” Kate asked, cocking her head to the side in curiosity. If there was a time to poke and prod, it was best to do now that her friend’s belly was full.  
  
“Well…” Max started, pulling her knees up to her chest. “There’s…a lot of stuff on my mind. A lot of stuff to think about.” The entire time she spoke, the photographer kept her gaze fixated on the carpet. Kate, the infinitely patient young woman, nodded as she listened.  
  
“I’ve been thinking a lot, too,” she said, leaning her chin against a loose fist. “It seems like just yesterday the police were here, ushering Jefferson out of the door in handcuffs.” She thought for a quick second before chuckling to herself. “I kind of wish I could rewind time and see what I missed. I’m sure there was a lot that went over my head.” At the admission of wanting superpowers, Max visibly cringed, as if trying to pull herself into an even smaller ball.  
  
“Uh…yeah…” was her only response. Max cleared her throat and shifted a bit. Kate frowned, trying to see past the wall her best friend had built up around herself. She couldn’t force her out of it, but she could certainly try to convince Max to tear it down.  
  
“You know, Max,” she began. “If you need somebody to talk to, I’m right down the hall. I don’t know if you have stuff on your chest to get rid of or whatever, but the offer’s on the table.” She was straighter to the point than she would have liked to have been, but it just seemed like the right thing to do. Max obviously needed support and Kate was the kind of person to give it even before it was requested.  
  
Max reached up to the back of her head and scratched her scalp. She did that when she thought hard and, judging by the conflict written across her features, she was thinking at a mile a minute. “Maybe,” she said, after a pregnant pause. “I just don’t really know where to start. It’s like my thoughts are a gigantic ball of yarn pieces. And I have to figure out which pieces will unravel the ball or will just pop out without an effect.”  
  
Kate inhaled deeply through her nose, looking down to her hands folded in her lap. “Well, when if you ever find something you want to talk about, you come right to me, okay?” She looked back up and gave her friend the warmest smile she could. “You were really sweet and thoughtful to me when Victoria was harassing me, so it’s the least I could do to show you how much I care.”  
  
Max shook her head weakly. “Kate, you don’t have to repay me just because I did what any good friend would do. I just wanted to help.”  
  
“I’m not trying to repay you, silly,” Kate said, adding a lighthearted giggle to the end of her sentence. Just so her friend knew she was joking about being called ‘silly.’ “You showed me how much you cared for me then and I just want to show you how much I care about you now. The support is a two-way street in this friendship.”  
  
At that, even Max couldn’t be stopped from smiling, which only made Kate’s smile that much more wide. Max began to draw little circles on her mostly bare thigh, trying to think of what she could say in response. “Thanks, Kate.” It was the simplest answer, but the most effective.  
  
“You have nothing to thank me for, Max. It’s what friends do, right?” Kate looked back into her lap for a brief time before looking back up at her friend. “Hey, Max? Can I…is it okay if I steal a hug?” Even before the photographer went through her traumatic experience, Kate always asked her if it was okay to hug her or hold her hand. She was just trying to be polite. Max’s brow knit together for a brief moment, but she nodded anyway.  
  
Kate got on her knees in front of her friend and pulled her into a warm, but gentle, hug. She was trying to meld as much of her love and energy into Max as she could. Even if she didn’t hug back with as much enthusiasm as Kate did, she was still happy to receive the reciprocation. They held each other for a long time before Kate pulled back and smiled at Max.  
  
“I’m just a call away, Max. Seriously.” Kate moved her arm to Max's arm and gave it a light squeeze. The look Max gave her in return made her stomach feel warm and her heart was aflutter. She never really got that feeling whenever she was helping out with Meals On Wheels or anything like that, but they were people she wasn't too connected with. Finally, she was helping somebody who was close to her and she cared about tremendously. This was going to be a trying experience and the road of healing Max had to walk down could potentially be long. Very long. But Kate was ready. She would share every single step with her and only time will tell where this road will take them.  
  
But that was only going to be half of the fun.


	2. Caught in the Headlights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate convinces Max to come into town with her for the day. But after Max spots a certain someone, Kate begins to see just how deep Max's wounds are.

A few days passed since their initial heart to heart talk and Kate couldn’t have been happier. Every day since she spent her evenings with Max, having dinner and tea. They mostly made small talk, but even something so simple was starting to bring the old Max out of her shell. Slight progress is better than no progress at all, she decided.

Today was a little bit different, though. Kate was able to get the photographer out of her room and into hers, but she couldn’t do that forever. She needed to actually go outside, see the outside world. So, Kate suggested they have lunch in the town of Arcadia Bay. Anywhere Max wanted to eat. She had yet to make a decision on that front, but they were in no rush. The fact it was Saturday guaranteed that they had all day to make up their minds.

Kate gave her friend the window seat so she could admire the scenery as it passed by. She figured it would have been a nice gesture, considering Max was probably always looking at lighting and interesting angles for her photos. Even if they were both artists, Kate always thought her medium was a bit easier than Max’s. It was no skin off her back to try and help her out.

The little Christian girl fidgeted a little bit in her seat, thinking of something to say to Max. She played with the hem of one of the legs of her shorts. It was uncharacteristically warm for a November day and Kate felt like dressing a little bit more casual than she normally did. Rather than her usual nude colored stockings, she went with a pair of black stockings underneath a pair of modest shorts. Her dirty blonde hair was in a neat little ponytail instead of its usual bun and on her torso was a black and white 3/4-sleeve baseball tee with the words ‘Jesus Is My Rock And That’s How I Roll’ written on it. It was a rare occurrence when she was dressed as such, but today was somewhat of a special day.

“I’m really excited to get into town!” Kate said, looking over to smile at Max. “There are some books at The Inkwell that just recently came out, so you know I want to get there quick.” It was an easy way to open conversation. They both had a love of literature and it was how they first became friends. The two were partnered up for a project in Mr. Jefferson’s class and while they brainstormed ideas, Max said their photo should be of Kate in a white gown with pointy ear prosthetics like an elf. With that, they delved into a lengthy and very excited discussion about Tolkien’s classics. It was definitely one of the best days of Kate’s high school career.

“I’m kind of excited, too. Though, I’m probably not anywhere as happy as you are.” After Max spoke, she gave a weak chuckle, just in case Kate didn’t know it was meant to be a joke. The blonde girl brought her fingertips up to her mouth to try and stifle a giggle bubbling out of her lips.

“What can I say? I’ve always had a big heart for little, everybody-knows-everybody towns.” Kate sighed and looked out into the aisle so she could see out of the bus’s windshield. “You said you grew up here, right? At least for a little bit of your childhood?” She pulled her head back into the seat, just in time to catch Max cringing heavily at the mention of her life in Arcadia Bay.

“Uh…y-yeah…” Given how forced her answer was, Kate thought it best not to push the matter. The point of the trip was to help Max let loose a little and perk her up. Not force her farther into that imaginary turtle shell she’d been couped up in.

Kate rested a hand on her friend’s thigh, her cheeks warming up a touch as she did so. If there was one thing she was happy about, it was that Max was still okay with physical contact. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but hugging Max or holding her hand or anything like that always made her feel good. Revitalized, in a way. “Either way, we’re going to have fun.” She put a period at the end of her sentence with a warm smile, as if it would make her statement a borderline fact.

Max didn’t return the smile, but she nodded in agreement. “Right…gonna have fun…” she echoed, looking back out of the window. Kate recognized the look and body language of wanting to be alone as Max hugged herself. She withdrew her hand and let the photographer be for the rest of the ride.

The bust stopped as usual on the corner of 5th and Broad, the very heart of Arcadia. The two stood on the curb and looked around the street, content to people watch for now. There were couples, both young and old, holding hands and enjoying the weather. Others were walking their dogs or out for a run, some carrying bags from running errands. Kate recognized some of those faces from school, but she didn’t want to disturb them and their merriment.

Kate took the initiative and began walking down Broad St., keeping an eye on Max the whole time. She was probably being a little too cautious with her friend, but she wanted to be on the look out for signs of panic or extreme discomfort. She knew all too well what it was like to have an attack in a public space.

“So, where did you want to go first?” Kate asked, brushing a few stray hairs behind her ear as she looked at Max. “The antique shop? Inkwell?” When Max didn’t respond, she continued. “Or maybe we could grab a bite to eat and burn it off walking around? That’s usually what my sisters and I did back in my hometown.”

She still received no answer. Kate slowed her pace until she was at a dead stop. Max kept walking for a few extra paces before she noticed Kate wasn’t next to her anymore. She stopped and turned around, crossing her arms over her chest. Her shoulders were slumped and her brow slightly furrowed. “Something wrong?” Max asked.

Kate sighed quietly as she took a couple steps toward her friend. “Are you sure you’re okay with this, Max? I don’t want you to get overwhelmed…” Max nodded so quick, her whole body seemed to move with her.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I just have some stuff on my mind, is all.” It was the most common excuse she gave, and it was most likely the most true. Even if she always said she had things on her mind, she was always aloof about the matter. Kate didn’t like to pry. She honestly didn’t. But she knew from experience that if thoughts ruminate in your head and you don’t get a second opinion, you’ll just burn yourself out.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about what’s on your mind? I mean, I know I’m not really one to talk, but…once I started talking to the counselor at school and stuff about my problems with Victoria I felt a whole lot better.” Not trying to be too assertive, Kate put a hand on Max’s shoulder, rubbing her thumb against the gray fleece of her hoodie. “Come on. Try me.”

Max’s lips tightened as she looked to the sidewalk. Her index finger began to tap on her bicep and she sucked her bottom lip in to bite on it softly. Closing her eyes, she breathed a heavy sigh and looked back to Kate. “Alright, but…promise me you won’t call me crazy.”

Kate couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Max, unless you tell me that aliens are coming down to steal all of the Earth’s diary products, I won’t call you crazy. Everybody’s problems are valid. No matter how small or large.” One corner of Max’s mouth upturned a bit at the remark. She looked to the opposite side of the street, wondering where to start first.

“I’m sure you know that I was in the bathroom when…you know…” Kate nodded. She did know. Everybody in the entire school knew. Max was in the bathroom when Chloe was killed. She was so traumatized that when the police tried to coax her out of the corner she hid in, it was like trying to move a statue weighing a million pounds. It was a miracle in its own right that she didn’t die of fright, given the state she was in.

“Well…I wasn’t there by chance.” Kate’s head tilted to the side and her eyes narrowed at her friend. She couldn’t have known this was going to happen. Perhaps Nathan dragged her into this somehow. Or maybe even Chloe. She was known around town as being a problem child, and so was Nathan truth be told. The idea wasn’t too far fetched. Before reaching a conclusion in her own mind, she needed to hear her friend outright.

“What do you mean you weren’t there by chance? You couldn’t have been there on purpose.” Max sighed again and shook her head, running a hand down her face.

“I was—” she began to say, but she was cut off by her own gasp. Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape, looking like a creature in the headlights. In an instant, Kate’s maternal instincts kicked in and she placed her hands on Max’s shoulders.

“Max? Are you ok—” Kate was the one being interrupted this time as Max grabbed her arm and pulled her into the closest shop in a hurry. Even if she was a scrawny little thing, the photographer could certainly be strong when she needed to be. Before Kate knew it, the two were in a candy shop, the cashier looking at them confusedly. Kate watched as Max crouched down by the window, eyes barely clearing the sill. Her breathing was heavy and her gaze was fixated on a certain something.

Looking from her friend to the cashier, Kate walked up to the counter and talked to him in a hushed tone. “Do you have a bottle of water or something for my friend? I’ll buy it.” The cashier nodded and mentioned something about needing to go into the back room. After the affirmation, they parted ways. Kate went to crouch beside her friend and the friendly cashier went into the back room. “Max? What’s wrong?” The blonde girl followed her friends gaze out into the street, frowning a bit at Max’s target.

Joyce Price was well known around town. She’d been a waitress at the Two Whales diner for 2 decades now, and she was an absolute hit with the locals and tourists alike. Just the right amount of Southern hospitality mixed in with that sassy attitude of hers. The regulars at the diner always thought of her as a second mother or aunt. And to some of the much younger patrons, even a grandmother. Everybody loved her. So why was Max afraid of her?

“Joyce?” Kate said before being sushed loudly by Max. With how soft her voice was, there was absolutely no way they could here either of them from across the street. Still, Kate was respectful of her friend’s unspoken wishes. The two watched as Joyce walked down the street in her work uniform, eyes sullen and downcast with her purse hanging off her shoulder. Losing a child is something no person shoulder go through. It takes a piece of you away and no matter how hard you try, you can never get it back. People applauded her for coming back to work after such a tragedy and found it to be a focal point of utmost respect.

As Joyce walked to the corner and out of eyesight, Max finally deflated. She leaned her back against the wall and pulled her knees up to her chest, burying her face in her legs. Her shoulders began to tremble and her hands were clenched around her biceps like two vice grips. Kate stared at her friend in disbelief for a brief moment before placing a hand on top of one of hers.

“Max…it’s okay…” she said, voice softer than usual. She watched with worried eyes as Max made no movement for what felt like an eternity, the only movement she made being her shaking shoulders.

“Why did it have to happen like this?” Max said, voice muffled. “Why Chloe? Out of all people, why her? Why not me?” She could barely hear her, but the suddenness of the words made Kate jump a bit. After she processed what was said, she blew out a breath. It was now known that Max and Chloe were the best of friends when they were little. She knew there had to have been at least a little survivor’s guilt pent up inside of her friend.

“It’s alright, Max,” Kate said, sitting down next to the photographer on the ground. “I’m sure you tried as hard as you could to intervene.” She moved the hand on Max’s down to her thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Everything turns out the way it’s meant to, though.” Max curled up tighter at both her touch as well as her words. Kate’s heart began to beat faster, worried she might have accidentally cut her friend when she had only meant to mend.

“Chloe didn’t deserve to die the way she did. Nobody does.” Kate removed her hand and placed it in her own lap. “But God works in mysterious ways. If he meant to take you instead, you wouldn’t be here right now. And besides…” She looked over towards the back of the store as the door opened, the cashier from earlier beginning to walk back into the store front before pausing. He looked in between the two girls and gave a quick nod before retreating into the back once more.

“I know for a fact that Chloe’s watching over you right now.” Kate stretched her legs out in front of her, throwing her left leg over her right. “Because everybody’s good deep down. We all have good intentions and deserve a place in Heaven.” Not knowing what to say next, Kate closed her mouth and looked at her stockings, waiting for Max to make a move.

The photographer’s sobs became audible after a short while as she lifted her head from her legs. Her face was wet with tears, her eyes red and puffy. “I miss her so much, Kate. And I loved her so much.” A few more sobs left Max’s lips, causing her to pause. “I can’t even look at Joyce without thinking about what I did to her. It’s just not fair. It’s not fucking fair at all.” 

“And I’m sure she loved you just as much back, Max,” Kate responded, trying to look her friend in the eyes. Even if her gaze was completely focused on the ground, that didn’t stop Kate from trying. “The fact that she’s gone doesn’t mean you have to forget the bond you two had. The memories you have of her are still there.”

Max seemed less tense than before, so Kate scooted a little bit closer, just to assure her friend that she was going nowhere anytime soon. “I know what it’s like to lose people you love dearly. I’ve had grandparents and uncles and cousins who have passed away. And I know the pang still exists, no matter how much time has passed.” She paused for a breath. “What helps me, though, is remembering the good times. It’s nowhere near as good as actually having them. But it makes sure that they’re never forgotten here on Earth, you know?”

Kate looked at the opposite wall for a moment, just thinking about all the people she herself had lost. But only the good memories were allowed entrance in her mind. There wasn’t much else to say to her friend. It was all the reassurance she could possibly give. All that was left to do was let the final breaths of the attack fade out. Perhaps today was looking to be not so great of a day to bring Max out after all.

Once Max quieted down, she sniffed loudly and dragged a sleeve across her weeping nose before using the other sleeve to dry her wet eyes. She took a few deep breaths to make sure she was calm as can be before turning to the blonde girl next to her. “Thanks, Kate,” she said, voice weaker than usual. She had just been crying, though.

“It’s not a problem, Max. Like I said, that’s what friends are for.” She wrapped an arm around her friend’s shoulder, pulling her in tight. Max, in turn, enveloped Kate into a loose hug. Just like all the other times, Kate’s heart was aflutter and her cheeks warmed up. My little Maxine, Kate thought. She smiled, just content to sit here with her best friend.

A while later, the two were composed and standing up. Kate fetched the cashier and apologized for the trouble they were causing. He said it wasn’t a problem and gave them a bottle of water on the house. Kate paid for it anyway. “I know I said we should come into town and do some stuff, but…I’m not so sure today would be a good day. So, did you want to just hang out in my room and watch movies or something?” Kate said as they walked down the sidewalk. Max jumped at the opportunity, obviously having the same sentiment.

And so the two sat on the bench at the bus stop, Kate’s hand on top of Max’s. She hoped she said all the right things. The worst thing that could happen, in her opinion, was upsetting Max and driving her further away than she already was. Kate didn’t want her friend to lose someone as close as they were becoming. It could only hurt. No in betweens or other possibilities. And Kate cared too much about people in general to wish that upon anybody.

But more importantly…Kate didn’t want to lose Max.


	3. Lotus Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max has requested some time alone this night, leaving Kate all on her lonesome. But when another friend of hers decides to come and chat, Kate gets some thoughtful insight into everything happening around her.

Kate sat at her desk, staring at her hands. During the latest meeting of the Religious Studies Club, they discussed Hinduism. Two sisters in the club, Satya and Avanti, offered to talk to the group about the religion they grew up in and Kate wholeheartedly encouraged them. Their ‘hook’ as they called it, was giving any members who wanted it henna markings in order to get people interested. Being the leader of the club, Kate was not only the first recipient of these markings, but she also went the extra mile and had henna put on her feet, as well.

Even if she seemed to be rather excited about the ordeal, inside she cringed with every line applied to her skin. It wasn’t that she was nervous about the markings themselves or betraying her own religion. It was the worry that people would start talking about her again. Once the caked on ink dried and fell off to reveal the absolutely beautiful markings that now dyed her skin, she decided it wouldn’t be that big a deal after all.

After admiring her henna for what seemed like the millionth time today, she picked up her pencil and went back to doing her math homework. Her class was lucky and only had 15 problems to do in two days, but she couldn’t focus even if her life depended on it. Ever since Max’s panic attack a few days ago and the day they spent after the fact, she couldn’t get the freckled girl out of her mind.

She was worried. Kate may have been able to talk Max down, but it obviously wasn’t everything she needed to get off her chest. Or maybe she didn’t talk about it enough. She understood that Chloe was her best friend, which is a tragedy in it’s own right, but there was just something about the way she said _‘I tried so hard’_ and _‘I loved her so much’_ that made Kate pause and think. There was a desperation in her voice, like she secretly thought she wouldn’t be able to live without her blue haired friend. It was almost as if…

A knock on the door ceased her train of thought in an instant. She jumped a bit, whirling around in her chair to look at it with wide eyes. After recovering from the scare, she sighed and stood up, walking to the door to open it up. “Hey, Kate!” said Dana, raising a hand to wiggle her fingers in a wave. Always admiring her seeming boundless energy, Kate smiled and opened the door all the way, stepping back to let her friend in.

“Hey, Dana. What’s going on?” Kate said, taking her seat again and resting the heels of her bare feet on the edge. Dana sighed and closed the door behind her before flopping down onto the couch.

“Not too much. Juliet’s out doing some sort of thing for the Totem, so I’m super bored.” She was of course talking about her best friend, Juliet Watson, whom was a frequent reporter for the school’s newspaper, the Blackwell Totem.

Kate nodded, placing her forearms on her knees. “Well, seeing as how you two are attached at the hip, I bet you’re probably going through withdrawals, hm?” she said, chuckling to herself after the fact. “But you’re welcome to stay here in my room with me, if you’d like. I’m just doing some homework, but I’m more than happy to chat.”

“You’re not hanging out with Max tonight? You two have been doing that a lot, so I just assumed.” Kate shrugged, the corners of her mouth pulling down slightly.

“She said she had a lot of work to catch up on, so I let her be.” She looked at her ink stained hands again, feeling troubled for some reason. Dana was right. They’d been together every single evening for almost two weeks now, so one night apart wouldn’t hurt in the slightest. But, she still couldn’t help feeling a tad disappointed about the fact.

Dana nodded and stood back up. “Well, alright then. I suppose if I’m going to be hanging out with Ms. Diligent Student tonight, I may as well grab my work, too. I’ll be right back.”

A few minutes later, the cheerleader returned with a history textbook and a binder, setting up her space on the couch. “Jeeze, Kate. You couldn’t have gotten a room with a coffee table or something?” Dana said, trying to balance her binder and textbook in her lap. Kate giggled and shook her head, shoulders falling up in down in mirth.

“Sorry. I don’t usually have guests in my room, so it didn’t really seem necessary.” It was true. She had all she needed in her room for herself and that was it. She had a desk to do her own homework on, so why would she need a coffee table? Dana huffed and placed her textbook on the couch, sitting on it sideways with her binder in her lap.

“Anyway,” she said, flipping through her book’s pages. “What have you been up to? Other than hanging out with Max until the wee hours of the morning?” The question caused Kate to poke her tongue into her cheek, furrowing her brow. She stood up and walked over to her bunny’s cage. Alice was as content as ever, snacking a bit on the piece of lettuce Kate had given her not too long ago.

“Other than homework and drawing? Not too much, honestly.” She blew a small breath out of her nose, hunching over just a little to get a better look at her small pet.

Despite not being able to see it, Dana nodded as she wrote something down in her notes. “That’s good, I guess.” She paused for another moment, the scratching of pen against paper filling the room. “I’ve noticed you’re pretty much back to normal. Which I’m happy about.”

It had been a while since anybody mentioned it, yet it still caused Kate to tense up. Victoria had deleted the video right after Nathan was locked up and was actively going out of her way to make sure nobody spoke about it. But the guilt and ghosts of the past stilled haunted her every now and then. She still had a number of demons living inside her head. Unlike Max, however, she was getting better at keeping them quiet.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Not wanting to talk about it, Kate walked back over to her seat and tried to bury herself in mathematics, praying Dana would take the hint. Unfortunately, just as she was going to plug in the ‘m’ and ‘b’ for her slope intercept form, Dana spoke up again.

“I’m really sorry about what happened.” Kate brought a hand up to her head, scratching at her hairline and trying her best to stay calm.

“It’s not your fault, Dana. It’s in the past, so we can all just forget about it.” That should also have been the end of this conversation, but the cheerleader was a stubborn woman.

“Well, yeah. I know it’s not my fault, but I sure didn’t help the situation when it was happening. None of us really did.” Seeing how this was going to be a thing, Kate put her pencil down and turned to face her friend.

“I’m fine. Honest. I’d rather if we just drop the topic. Please.” Kate was sure Dana could sense the agitation radiating from her now. Her stomach was starting to curl up into a ball of pure tension and her toes were starting to dig into the carpet. She wasn’t panicking. She refused to. All that was desired was to keep this between her and the school’s counselor. For the time being, at least.

Dana looked at her with a concerned expression for a pregnant pause before nodding. “Alright. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Without any further words, the cheerleader looked back down to her homework, working silently. 

Kate blew out a breath of relief as she turned back to her own homework. She liked Dana and thought of her as a true friend. Someone who could be trusted. But with how the public originally reacted to that video, she thought it best not to trust the public with anything. For the time being, anyway.

The minutes ticked away in a comfortable silence, both women working diligently. Kate hated mathematics. She was good at it, but it wasn’t her idea of fun. Just plugging numbers into formulas and matching equations up to graphs. It was tedious at best. However, she was required to take it and so she did. Despite disliking math the most out of her classes, she did that work right away so she could forget about it. She didn’t see how polynomials and the quadratic equations would help her in the profession she wanted to be in. She didn’t need tangent lines and cosines to draw her pictures.

“Hey, Kate?” Dana’s voice invaded her thoughts like a clap of lightening in a storm. Kate yelped and jolted in her seat, flinging her pencil halfway across the room. She looked with wide eyes over to the culprit of this fit. Her hands were over her mouth, trying her best to keep the volume of her hyena-like laugh at a manageable level. Kate groaned and put her head in her hands.

“What, Dana?” she said, exasperated. Kate was relatively easy to scare, especially when she was nose deep in a book or school work.

“Calm down, Lotus Feet. I just wanted to know if you wanted to go and grab something to eat,” Dana replied, laughing as she spoke. Kate’s brow furrowed at the nickname. _Lotus Feet?,_ she thought to herself. Then, she recalled the lotuses Satya had drawn on said appendages in henna from earlier and everything clicked. With another exhalation, the blonde girl nodded and stood up.

They both slipped their shoes on and head out of the door. Dana said she was going to run back to her room to grab a sweatshirt, since Kate was easily a size smaller than her. As Dana walked off, Kate looked across the hall to room 219. Max’s room. She frowned at it, fighting every urge to walk over and knock on the door. She wanted to be with her right now, but she requested some time alone. And no matter what Kate wanted, she had to obey those wishes. The photographer needed as much space as she did company.

It was just the way she was as a person. People like her needed space sometimes. It wasn’t a personal thing and it didn’t mean she didn’t like anyone at the moment. It was simply a matter of needing to recharge her batteries. Kate understood it to some degree, but not to the point Max said she needed it.

Dana returned, with a Blackwell Bigfoots sweatshirt on. Kate looked over to smile at her, complimenting the school pride. The cheerleader returned the compliment before following Kate’s gaze over to Max’s door. Her own smile faltered a bit at the sight, looking back to the blonde girl, and eyebrow upturned.

“And you say I’m going through withdrawals without my best friend?” she said, half-joking. Kate shrugged her shoulders, looking back to Max’s door.

“I’m just worried about her, you know? My mama bear senses are always tingling.” Dana chuckled and gave her a light slap on the shoulder.

“Come on. Let’s walk and talk.” Without a word, the two walked side by side down the hallway and out of the dormitory. The air had become much chillier since the day Kate and Max tried to venture into town, and the blonde was regretting not putting on a pair of sweatpants before walking outside. “So, how is Max doing? I don’t see her very much and I never talk to her.”

Kate looked at the tall figure of the approaching school, poking her tongue into her cheek once more. It was a tick she had developed during middle school when she was thinking hard. Most people said it was cute when she did it, so she found no reason to try and get rid of it. “She’s getting on well enough, I suppose,” Kate said, crossing her arms over her chest. “She still worries me from time to time, though. It’s like she’s a scared little doe who can barely use its legs.”

Dana nodded and slid her hands into her sweatshirt’s pockets. People around campus always thought she was either a loudmouth or too outgoing, but when push came to shove she could be an excellent listener. “Well, that girl went through a lot of shit. No matter who talks to her, she’s not going to bounce right back from it. I mean, she saw a girl get murdered, after all.”

“Not just some girl,” Kate interjected. “Chloe was her best friend. Which makes it just that much tougher on her.”

“Exactly my point. Something like that takes more than a month to get over. She can talk your ear off for a week straight, no sleep, and still only feel five percent better.” Kate nodded as she listened to her friend. She forgot just how good the cheerleader was sometimes. She recalled catching her and her boyfriend, Trevor, watching the video of her that surfaced right after it came out.

As the two watched, there was a look of horror on Dana’s face, a hand covering her mouth. Trevor, likewise, was watching it with wide eyes, too stunned to do anything else. Kate thought those looks were about her and they planned on calling her a whore behind her back. Later she found out they were just disgusted that the video surfaced in the first place. Once the whole situation started to die down, Dana was one of the first people to come along and offer her support. Any ill-will that Kate harbored for the cheerleader dissipated in a matter of seconds.

“That still doesn’t mean I can’t be worried about her,” Kate said, bringing a hand up to scratch at the bridge of her nose. “She’s my best friend. How could I not be?” Dana snorted at the final statement, holding the door to the school open for Kate.

“Really? I couldn’t tell, especially when you two sit on the benches and hold hands.” Kate’s cheeks flared up, groaning to herself as she walked through the door. Her hands were clenched at her sides, not too sure what to do with them. Dana, noticing her friend’s embarrassment, giggled as she followed her in. “Oh, come on! I’m not trying to poke fun. It’s super cute.”

Kate relaxed just a bit, but now that she knew people were noticing her and Max around campus made her a bit uneasy. Ever since her little debacle a month ago, she was less then okay with the thought of being watched in public. Nevertheless, she couldn’t get mad at the cheerleader. She was a trusted friend, and certainly wouldn’t make fun of her. Not seriously, at least.

“It’s just…like an anchor thing. It’s just a subtle thing I do so Max knows I’m still there. Just in case she has an episode or something.” A half-truth was better than a lie. She didn’t want to say the other half of the truth. That was for her and her alone.

“That’s understandable. I suppose after so much trauma, some people would need an anchor of some sort. Just to ground them,” Dana said, walking with her little blonde friend toward the cafeteria. It was usually open until curfew, and was surprisingly decent food to boot. Definitely more than alright for a simple late evening snack. “That doesn’t mean I can’t think it’s amusing, though. It’s like you guys are polar opposites, but still make the friendship work.”

“Polar opposites? What do you mean by that?” Kate was genuinely curious as to what she’d say. ‘Polar opposites’ could mean anything. “You don’t think she’s out of my league, do you?”

Dana snorted at the accusation. “’Out of your league?’ What, are you planning on trying to romance her? Serenade her in the pale moonlight over a candlelit dinner?” Even if it was just Dana busting her chops, Kate felt a full on blush waft to her cheeks and her hands were clenched tight again. Why was she so embarrassed? Sure, she used to get worked up like this whenever she showed an interest in a guy back home and her friends would tease her about it. But this was way different. This was Max they were talking about. She was a girl. And Kate didn’t like girls.

“What I meant was, you’re always so bubbly and happy. Meanwhile, next to you, is this gloomy sad sack who never seems to smile anymore.” The cheerleader shrugged, looking to the walls to admire the various posters and fliers posted here and there. “It’s just cute to see you both like that, but still holding hands. It’s like when a dog and a cat become super duper buddies or something like that. Opposites attract.”

Kate furrowed her brow at the last statement. ‘Opposites attract.’ She’d heard that phrase before and always thought it true. Then again, her and Max weren’t all that different. They both loved art and literature and had awkward, shy tendencies. Even if Max’s were more prominent and obvious, they still shared the trait. She wasn’t sure if she would like that acoustic music Max likes, but she could always give it a listen. See if it’s something she can get behind.

As Dana kept speaking, she opened the door to the cafeteria and allowed Kate entry before her. Kate couldn’t hear her for the life of her, though. She was too busy trying to think about what was so opposite about her and Max. Thankfully, so far it didn’t seem like all the much wasn’t that different. In most respects, they were more alike than not. And Kate breathed a sigh of relief at the notion. But as soon as the relief washed over her, the lingering anxiety was slowly beginning to fill her up again, bearing one simple question.

Why did she care so much?


	4. Guardian Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max takes Kate on a little excursion after school one day. Kate begins to doubt herself in more ways than one.

Kate felt uneasy. And cold. She bundled up as much as she could, wishing in vain that she had a pair of jeans or layer on her legs. But she always forced herself to be modest and cute over being comfortable, so her usual stockings were the only form of leg protection she had. Then again, she wasn’t under the watchful eyes of her parents any longer, so maybe it was possible to let go a bit more. She was technically an adult now and didn’t have to follow every single one of their rules, after all. Since her mere two and a half months away from them, she’d already discovered music she would have never been allowed to listen to at home. She filed the thought into the back of her mind for later use.  
  
“Hurry up, Kate!” Max called over her shoulder, flashing the blonde girl that lovable smirk of hers. Kate noted that she was particularly upbeat this morning, more so than usual. And it was curious how she could be, considering they were walking in the middle of the woods during sunset. Kate flashed her a smile back, trying her best not to show how nervous she was.  
  
After class, when the two would usually get together in one of their rooms, Max instead asked if they could venture outside again. Kate was a little hesitant, given how she reacted the last time she tried taking the photographer out into public. But Max seemed adamant about taking her someplace special, and it became increasingly more difficult to say no to that freckled face.  
  
She caught up to her friend, wrapping her jacket a bit tighter around her body. Kate blew out a breath, secretly reveling as she physically saw it expel from her lips. She may not have liked the cold, but she was a huge fan of the way winter looked and felt. Christmas trees and lights and blankets upon blankets of snow. It wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet and Kate’s closet was already filled to the brim with ugly Christmas sweaters.  
  
“If I knew you were going to bring me hiking, I would have worn a different pair of shoes!” Kate chuckled to herself, looking up to the tree line. At this point in the year, most of the leaves had fallen from the branches, but a few lone stragglers were still holding out hope. The trees themselves may not have looked all that pretty anymore, but the leaves were littered on the ground, covering the disgusting, brown dirt in shades of red, yellow and orange.  
  
Max smiled and shook her head in amusement. “It’s not all that bad. Once we get there we won’t have to do very much walking. Promise.” She reached out to give Kate and light slap on the arm, seemingly unperturbed by the cold air.  
  
Kate’s mouth scrunched to the side as she collected her thoughts. “Is it still a surprise? Because it’s not like you to be this…” she said, bringing a hand up to rotate her wrist as if trying to whisk the correct word out of thin air. “Aloof.”  
  
“It’s a place that I used to go to all the time. Sort of like a home away from Hell.” That caught Kate’s attention. The more she learned about Max, whether it be past, present or future, the more intriguing she became. “I think you’ll like it.” Kate had no reason to not trust her friend, so why should that change now?  
  
The two continued to walk in moderate silence for a short time. Kate was busy admiring the leaves on the ground, doing her best to commit them to memory so she could draw them later on. She only looked up when she heard Max say, “Finally. We’re here.” Kate lifted her head, ready to gaze on a beautiful, secluded forest dwelling. Her eyes only became wide in shock instead of amazement.  
  
Cars stacked four high and old washing machines and air conditioners as far as the eye could see. Small encampments were littered here and there, no doubt because of various kids who came here at night to party. Empty beer and vodka bottles were everywhere, and the decommissioned, broken bus right dab in the middle of the lot was more depressing than endearing.  
  
Furrowing her brow, Kate slowly looked over to Max. The photographer had a wide grin on her lips, contrasting perfectly with the expression on Kate’s face. “You brought me to a…junkyard?” She tried to keep the trepidation out of her voice, but she knew it was there. And noticeable.  
  
Max only laughed weakly, looking back to her friend and shrugging. “Welcome to American Rust.” Without further words, she marched into the junkyard. Kate blinked her eyes at Max’s back, still taken aback by her choice of a relaxing environment. Summing up a bit of courage, Kate followed her friend into the fray, still thinking about wearing a better pair of shoes. She silently prayed she wouldn’t potentially step on any needles during their stay here.  
  
“So…” Kate said, still trying to comprehend what she was seeing. “You said you used to come here a lot?” Max nodded, not bothering to look back at her.  
  
“Yeah. Chloe and I used to come here all the time and hang out. It was fun.” Something about that statement didn’t add up in Kate’s mind. Pursing her lips, she did some quick mental math and deemed the two of them to be the ripe, old age of 12 when they hung out here. It was hard to believe two 12 year olds could sneak away from their parents long enough to come all the way out here, spend Lord knows how long doing Lord knows what, and be back in time for dinner. Then again, from what she heard of Chloe, the woman had her ways.  
  
“Well, it certainly has …” Kate began, stopping in her tracks to look around again. Her eyes landed on a well rusted drier, it’s hinges looking as if they would snap at any moment. When that moment came, the circular door flopped to the ground with no more than a soft _thunk._ “Definitely has character.” Kate looked back to her friend, giving the back of her head a smile. She didn’t want to be here, but she decided to compromise on this one occasion. Relationships are always about compromise, romantic or not.  
  
“Yeah, I guess it does,” Max said, smirking as she admired every nook and cranny of the yard. It was still a filthy, disgusting place in her eyes, but Kate could see it held a lot of good memories for her. And anything that made her friend happy was a good thing.  
  
For minutes upon minutes, Kate followed Max around the yard as she had brief pangs of nostalgia. The good pangs brought a wide grin to Max’s face, the one Kate was desperate to see more of. And the bad pangs brought a sadness to her eyes, the one Kate was desperate to see less of. No matter which was conveyed, she said nothing about them. A trip down memory lane is a personal thing, especially when the person with you hasn’t the faintest clue what those times were like. Max would talk to her about them if and when she wanted to.  
  
Without knowing it, the two walked to a small structure at the far end of the junkyard. It was a simple thing, bare concrete blocks on the outside, with a little window to the right. It would have looked like a cozy little thing, if it weren’t for the building having the atmosphere of a little prison. Kate followed Max inside, breath catching in her throat at what was inside.  
  
To her surprise, it was genuinely charming. On the surface it looked similar to the junkyard on the outside. Beer bottles were everywhere, with the addition of a bong or two strewn about here and there. But the writings on the walls and the torn out pages of sketchbooks with drawings on them gave the small room its personality.  
  
Against her better judgment, Kate followed Max as she sat down on a worn out, old couch against one of the walls of the small hangout. The two sat next to each other, content not to speak as they looked around the hangout and just took everything in.  
  
“One sec,” Max said, standing up. Kate watched her cross the room, hands fishing into her messenger bag for something. She produced a permanent marker, uncapping it. She lifted the marker up to the concrete wall, scrawling something down before stepping back and revealing her masterpiece. _‘Chloe was here’, ‘Rachel was here’,_ and finally _‘Max was here.’_  
  
Kate smiled at the sight. It was cute and endearing and everything in between. She adored seeing Max the way she was now, her heart swelling to maximum capacity. The way her smile was pushing the freckles on her cheeks up toward her eyes and the way it also lit up her eyes. Kate could get lost in those eyes forever. A warmth starting to form in her stomach and her heart began beating quicker. She looked away from Max and back to the words on the wall, brow furrowing as she finally noticed it.  
  
“Hey Max?” she said, head cocking to the side. “Who’s Rachel?” Max, as well, looked back to the words and her smile began to fade. It transformed into a neutral, thin line until it became a tight-lipped frown.  
  
“Rachel was one of Chloe’s…friends…” Kate frowned back at Max, noting the apprehensive way she used the word ‘friend.’ It gave off the impression that she was saying something unpleasant. Something she didn’t want to think about. “After I left for Seattle, Chloe replaced me with her. This used to be their hangout.” Max capped the marker and slid it into her bag, now looking at the words she just wrote in a different light.  
  
“But I thought you said you and Chloe used to come here all the time?” Kate asked, now more confused than ever. She watched Max’s mouth open and close a few times, looking like a fish gasping for air as she tried to find the right words.  
  
“W-Well, yeah. After I came back to Arcadia, Chloe and I reconnected.” Now, those words sounded more forced than the others. Kate knew she had to be lying. Before, Max had said the first time she saw Chloe when she came back to town was before she was shot in the bathroom. However, not wanting to cause any conflicts or ruin Max’s already soured mood, Kate let it slide.  
  
“That makes sense.” She settled back into the couch, pushing the inconsistencies with Max’s story out of her mind. Trying to, anyway. It seemed like the only fact that was set in stone was how Max was in the bathroom when Chloe was murdered. Other than that, her tales of spending time with Chloe and knowing so much about her when there should have been a five year blip in her time line was puzzling.  
  
Max eventually joined her on the couch again, that smile completely disappeared from her lips. Kate felt bad about bringing Rachel up. It was obvious that woman was a touchy subject for Max. She would bring her up again. But now wasn’t the time. But if now wasn’t a good time to do it, when would?  
  
With a sigh, Kate leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. The orange glow of the sunset came in through the gaps in the bricks here and there, and she brought a hand up to keep the sunlight out of her eyes. Focusing her eyes on a cigarette butt on the ground in front of her, Kate’s thoughts ran rampant.  
  
She couldn’t help Max without pushing her. But if she pushed too soon or too much, she risked not only losing Max’s trust and friendship, but causing the photographer more damage than she had already been dealt. She was just so much of an enigma. Some days Kate could be content with just sitting with her, complete silence as she enjoyed her company. Other days, she wanted to shake her and demand she open up. Despite how much she liked Max, supporting a friend could be tiring.  
  
And she was beginning to learn she liked Max. A lot. More than just a friend. She wasn’t in love, not that she knew what that felt like, anyway. But there was a craving and longing she had about her friend that made it impossible for Kate to call her just a friend. There was this aura around her that drew her in like a magnet. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose. It wasn’t often she felt stressed out. When it did happen, though, it hit her like a ton of bricks.  
  
A click sounded to her right, causing her to open her eyes. Max was holding her camera, taking the polaroid out of it’s slot and shaking it. Kate’s brow furrowed, leaning over to look at what she took a picture of. Max grimaced and shyly held out the picture for Kate to see. It was still developing, but the faint outline of Kate’s hairline could be seen, as well as the beginnings of the sunlight coming in through the slot in the wall.  
Kate’s hand found it’s way to her mouth, absolutely stunned. “You…you took a picture of me?” Her voice was soft and a bit muffled behind her hand, but the words were still clear. Max brought a hand up to scratch at the back of her neck, looking down to her feet as they shifted about on the ground.  
  
“The lighting was really good and…well, I just thought you looked really pretty like that.” It was a simple statement, but it almost brought Kate to tears.  
“Max…I’m flattered. Really. But I’m nothing special.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I know I’m not ugly, but still.” The photographer blinked at the ground a few times before shaking her head. A chuckle bubbled out of her lips and she looked Kate directly in her eyes, making the statement all that more impactive.  
  
“You should really reconsider how you view yourself, then.” For an even greater amount of emphasis, she held up the polaroid, becoming clearer and clearer by the second. It was still the same, but the amount of detail that had developed made the picture that much more beautiful. A few stray hairs were illuminated by the sun, and Kate could see the frustration on her face. The orange rays, however, outlined her head and gave it a halo effect, contrasting perfectly with the expression on her face.  
  
“You looked like an angel, what with the sun reflecting the way it is.” Max shrugged, placing the picture into Kate’s lap. “Which is how I’ve been viewing you for the past couple weeks.” She smiled and looked at the little blonde girl, brushing some of her chestnut hair behind her ear. “You’ve been my guardian angel. And I really am thankful for it.”  
  
Big, fat and genuine tears welled in Kate’s eyes, quickly looking away so Max wouldn’t have to see. It felt almost wrong for her to see such words have this effect. Like she was betraying her real feelings. And she didn’t want to do that. Not now. Possibly not ever.  
Another chuckled came from Max as she placed a hand on Kate’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “You’re my best friend, Kate. You don’t have to hide from me. Besides…if you did, it would kind of make you a little bit of a hypocrite, wouldn’t it?” Kate smiled at her words, feeling her tears spill over and hit her lips.  
  
“It’s just…nobody’s ever seen me as special, you know?” Kate said, sniffing and wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. “I’ve always been the good student and that’s about it. My sisters are the ones who are called pretty and talented and stuff.”  
  
Max’s face contorted into an expression of confusion. “What? You’re super pretty and super talented. I hear you play your violin every morning. It’s one of the best parts of waking up, in my eyes.” With every single word of praise, Kate’s cheeks became hotter and hotter and her head traveled further and further into the clouds. There was something so wrong about having this feeling about another woman. But also something so right about that woman being Max.  
  
She never thought it would be like this. She’d always been told by people at church or her other friends that this is what it felt like when they met a guy they really liked. It was something she assumed would happen to her when she met the perfect boy. But 18 years later and a couple of interested boys later and she still had yet to have these feelings.  
  
They were nice boys. Good, genuine and honest. Infinitely polite and courteous to a fault. Yet, they still did nothing for her. She wanted them to. Her parents had always talked for hours on end about how many grandchildren they wanted and what they expected her future boyfriends and husbands to be like. And she was still expecting herself to do that. It was the right thing to do. For both herself and her family.  
  
Despite her inner turmoil, Kate smiled and took a hold of Max’s hand. “Well, thank you, Max. You really don’t know how much that means to me.”  
  
“It’s not a problem. Just…calling a spade a spade, I guess.” Max then stood up and took a few steps before gesturing for Kate to follow her. “Come on. We’re gonna freeze to death if we don’t get back before dark.” Kate nodded in agreement and stood up, following Max out of the hangout.  
  
The two walked in complete silence the entire way back to campus, and that suited Kate just fine. Her thoughts were running a mile a minute in her head and she needed to at least try and process them. It seemed impossible for her to focus on one specific thing, however, as Dana’s words from the other night kept interrupting her thinking. Which only added more fuel to Kate’s frustrations.

_You two are just so cute._


	5. Queen Bee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate wallows in her own self-pity before hearing scratching at her door. She investigates and find Victoria Chase, Queen Bee of Blackwell, standing in front of her room. Both women are deers in the headlights.

“Alice…come on,” Kate said, nudging a piece of lettuce closer to the little rabbit. “Eat something. Please? Do it for mama?” The two stared back at each other, unblinking for a while. Alice put her head back down, closing her eyes. Kate ran a hand down her face and groaned at her pet. She was a worrywart, after all. Especially when she was stressed out.

She saw the student assistance counselor once every week, but this time around it didn’t seem like enough. There were things she needed to get out and nobody to talk to about them. Dana would tell Juliet and then Juliet would tell the whole entire school in an hour flat. And she couldn’t tell Max anything about this, because it was all about her.

Kate flopped onto her mattress, burying her face into her pillow. She wanted everything to stop for just a moment so she could catch her breath. Time ticked on and on without a care for the poor girl’s feelings. Just as everything was getting better, now life had the audacity to through her for a loop and make her question her sexuality.

Even so, she didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to know the truth. It was a frightening thing for her. It never once occurred to her, given her upbringing, that gay people and everything in between were any different than the straight ones. But on the same hand, it still felt odd that something so seemingly unnatural could happen to her.

Granted, she would take feeling like this over how she felt while that video of hers was oozing its way around Blackwell. She literally wanted to die, two steps away from throwing herself off the top of the school. Everyone laughed at her, mocked her. The ridicule was too much to bear.

Even her own family wasn’t keen on helping her through all of this. Her parents were the people she trusted the most on this planet and all they did was tell her they disapproved of something she had no control over. It wasn’t until they heard the official police report about her being drugged did they actually feel sorry for her.

Instead of relief washing over her when they finally apologized, all Kate felt was a twinge of anger. Ever since Kate was little, her parents told her they loved her with all their hearts and nothing could prevent them from doing so. But when she needed help most, they shrugged their shoulders and ignored her. Berated her, even. She wouldn’t be lying if she said she hated her parents a little bit that day.

Admittedly, there was still hope for Kate. Perhaps she just felt really strongly about protecting Max. That had to be it. If it wasn’t, well…Kate was certain her mother and father wouldn’t be on her side anymore.

A scratching on the door caused her to lift her head up and open her eyes. Her brow furrowed as she stood up to her feet. She approached the door cautiously, though she didn’t know why. She took a breath and put her hand on the doorknob, opening it up.

Victoria Chase stood on the other side in the hall. Both girls looked at each other, eyes wide as dinner plates and frozen where they stood. It wasn’t a common thing in the slightest to have Victoria show up to her door. Especially in the state she was in.

A thin, black tank top and a pair of gray athletic shorts was all she wore. There wasn’t a spec of make up on her face. Clearly, she was intended to head to bed. Or at least, not to have anybody see her.

Kate realized they were standing there for a long time, and she took it upon herself to break the ice. “Hi.” Simple, but effective. Victoria blinked a couple times before responding.

“Hey, Kate.” She began to move, turning on her heels to walk down the hallway before Kate stopped her.

“Did…did you need something?” Kate frowned, leaning out of door to too look at Victoria better. With a sigh, the rich girl turned back around, holding up a piece of paper.

“Someone taped this on your door. I saw it and wanted to throw it out, okay?” The surprise had left her voice at this point, allowing her usual snooty tone to come back. Kate was intrigued by this. Ever since the murder, Victoria was much nicer to Kate, but not in a direct way. She would give her friends dirty looks and chastise them whenever they so much as got near her, but she was never overtly nice. Victoria never walked up to Kate and struck up a decent conversation.

“What does it say?” Kate asked, stepping out of her room and closing the door behind her. Victoria rolled her eyes and sneered as she held out the piece of paper. ‘Kate Marsh twerks for God’ in big, bold and scratchy writing. Kate sighed and hung her head low. She nodded, a frown tugging down the corners of her mouth. “Of course. What else should I expect?”

Kate began to go back into her room before a scoff from Victoria stopped her. “This is what makes you such a big target, you know.” Kate frowned a bit harder and looked back to the Queen Bee of Blackwell. “It’s like yelling at a puppy. They know you won’t fight back, so they step all over you.”

A hand found its way to the bridge of Kate’s nose, pinching it in irritation. “Believe me. I know.” She closed her eyes and contented herself to sulking where she stood. Another scoff came from Victoria, causing Kate to look over.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about,” she said, folding up the mean-spirited piece of paper. “If you would just stand on your own two feet and let everybody know that you’re not going to take their shit, nobody would bother you.”

Kate shrugged, far too mentally exhausted to worry about anything. She just wanted to sleep. Or at least lay down. Throwing a very lazy wave Victoria’s way, she opened her door and stepped into her room. It was closed behind her for no more than three seconds before she heard someone knocking. Opening it back up, it came as no surprise when it was Victoria.

“Listen…I know I don’t usually do this stuff, but…would you…” she said, the last part of her question said so low that it could only be heard by her.

“I’m sorry Victoria, but I didn’t quite catch that last part,” Kate said, leaning out of the door frame to get closer to the rich girl, just in case she was intending on whispering again.

“I said, ‘Would you like to come into my room?’” Kate jumped, a bit surprised by the volume of Victoria’s voice. The only two people that she ever invited into her room were Taylor and Courtney, her left and right hand women. And even then it seemed like a stretch for those two to get an invite. So the offer was one of the greatest shocks she’d ever been on the receiving end of.

“I’m…I’m not so sure about that one, Victoria,” Kate said, shaking her head as she spoke. After all, even if Victoria had apologized and wiped that video of hers off the face off the Internet, Kate was still very apprehensive about the sudden kind gesture from the Queen Bee.

A short breath expelled from Victoria’s nose as she did her signature eye roll. It had to be said that even without make up and product in her hair, the rich girl was still an immensely gorgeous young woman. She was angular, with sharp edges to her jawline and a tightly trimmed haircut. There was no doubt she was the recipient of some very flattering genes.

“I don’t have anything malicious up my sleeve,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Kate found the statement to be somewhat humorous, considering the tank top she wore had no sleeves whatsoever. “I’m just trying to be nice after how shit everyone treated you.” Victoria finally crumpled up the piece of paper in her hand. “But whatever.”

She turned on her heels and stepped down the hallway, leaving Kate frowning. It had always been said that people should turn the other cheek and hate the sin, not the sinner. And Victoria  did seem genuine in her wanting to make up for what happened. After throwing out the paper, Victoria began to make her way back to her room, not sparing Kate a glance as she passed.

“Victoria,” she said, tugging on the hem of her shirt. “Is the offer to hang out still on the table?” Victoria sighed and looked at her over the shoulder, upturning an eyebrow and crossing her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, sure. Come on.” Without waiting, Victoria began to walk back down to her room. It took a couple seconds to process the words, but she ran after the Queen Bee and met up with her in front of her room.

Victoria stepped inside, Kate waiting at the threshold. She was still fiddling with her shirt, looking around the rich girl’s room with a furrowed brow. It was so much like Kate thought it would be. A top of the line laptop sat on her desk, complete with camera equipment that must have cost thousands of dollars. Still, it seemed cozy. Not in a home-like sense, though. More like a laid back hotel.

“Well? Are you coming in or not?” Victoria’s voice caused Kate to jump a bit, bringing her back to reality. With a quick nod, she stepped through the threshold. The scent of Victoria’s room took her off guard, almost forcing the room to seem more inviting. The smells of cranberries and cinnamon permeated the air, causing any visitor to think of Thanksgiving and good food.

Not a single knick knack was out of line. The bed was made as if she were in the military and the carpet was spotless. Despite not being changed since the dormitory was actually built, it looked brand new. The entire room did, down to the desk and dresser.

“It’s really nice, Victoria,” Kate said, trying to be polite. Victoria mumbled something as she sat down at her desk, jiggling her finger against her laptop’s track pad in order to wake it up. A silence fell between the two and Kate resigned herself to take a seat on the floor in front of the bed. Not knowing what else to say, she stayed quiet, pulling her knees up to her chest and waiting for the more dominant woman to make the next move.

The sounds that were heard in the room for a long while were the breathing coming from both women and the tapping of the keyboard. Kate’s mind wandered off, initially thinking about Alice. She hadn’t eaten all day and she just hoped there wasn’t something wrong with her. Honestly, if this was Victoria’s intention from the get go, then Kate should just leave and check up on the little bunny. It wasn’t as if they were truly spending time together or anything.

With a sharp exhalation, Victoria clicked around the screen a few times before shutting the laptop entirely. She turned back around to face her guest, looking genuinely apologetic. “Sorry. I had to e-mail my father about something. I swear, the fucker can not get off my back for one second.” Kate’s brow knit together at the statement.

“Well, he’s just looking out for you. Wants the best and so on.” Kate had heard those words repeated to her time and time again throughout her whole life. Not just from her own parents, but from other children’s parents and pastors and teachers. If they all said the same thing, how can they be wrong?

Victoria chuckled, bringing a hand up to massage at the area of her shoulder where it met her neck. “If telling me how to act and what to do and say is ‘looking out for me’ then I suppose you’re right.” Kate’s head cocked to the side, a frown tugging at the corners of her lips. She wanted to ask Victoria what exactly she meant and why she sounded so bitter about the fact. After all, her parents really were trying to look out for her and try to steer her in the right direction in life. That’s what parents are supposed to do for their children.

Kate wanted to say something about it, but it wasn’t her place to do so. Her and Victoria were not friends. Not even in the slightest of senses. And just because they were sort-of hanging out in Victoria’s room did not mean they had suddenly become friends. In fact, Kate could probably stand up and walk back into her room and Victoria would probably not even flinch.

“You know you don’t have to sit on the floor, right?” Victoria said, arms crossed over her chest as she looked at the carpet on the floor next to Kate’s feet. The Christian girl jumped at the suddenness of her voice, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“I just…didn’t want to assume, is all? Um…” She looked around the room and stood up, sliding back to sit on the foot of the mattress. “Is…here okay?” Victoria just shrugged and draped her right leg over her left, tapping her foot absent-mindedly against the air.

“Sure. Whatever makes you comfortable.” Her hospitality at least seemed genuine, though Victoria’s facial expression and tone of voice were still flat and disinterested. Kate nodded to herself and placed her hands in her lap, thumbs fidgeting with each other as she thought of something to say. She didn’t know Victoria and never had any intention of trying to know her. She may have forgiven her for posting that video online, but she was still wary of the Queen Bee. 

Victoria yawned loudly, covering up her open mouth as she did so. Kate looked at the blonde woman with a confused look, blinking a few times. “You know, Victoria…if you’re tired, we could always just…hang out later.” She wasn’t exactly too sure why she was considering a rescheduling with the closest thing to an archenemy she had on God’s green earth. Despite the great amount of trepidation she had at first, she couldn’t help but feel like giving Victoria a fair chance. She was too good for her own good at times.

The Queen Bee looked at Kate with that hard stare she always had, foot still tapping against the air. Her fingers had joined in with her foot, drumming on the top of her desk. It was almost as if Kate could see the gears turning in her head. “Or we don’t have to,” she quickly added on. “If you just want me to go back to my room and leave you alone, that’s fine, too.” Victoria grumbled loudly, raising her hands up to massage her temples wearily.

“Fucking…” she started, under her breath. “Tomorrow. 3 PM. Parking lot.” Victoria then stood up and placed her hands on her hips as she looked at Kate expectantly. And honestly, Kate didn’t really know what she was supposed to be doing right now. It wasn’t as if she was told to leave or stay. “You can leave now,” Victoria said after what seemed like hours of silence. Though, it wasn’t in her usual ‘bitch’ tone. Sure, it was still a little abrasive and rigid, but there was a genuine…something underlying it. Whether it was happiness or sadness or something else, Kate could tell.

“Oh! Um…” Kate said, standing up and looking to the door for a brief moment before looking back to Victoria. “A-Alright. I’ll…I’ll see you then.”

“Yes. Yes, you will,” Victoria replied. As Kate began to leave, looking like a shocked little bunny, the Queen Bee spoke up for the final time. “Good night, Kate.” The Christian girl stopped in the door jam, turning her head around to look at Victoria with a furrowed brow. The short-haired woman was just so strange. One minute she’s aggressive and demanding, then she’s friendly and honest, and now she seems almost weak and vulnerable. And people said Kate and Max were loony tunes? Despite herself, Kate nodded slowly and gave Victoria as genuine of a smile as she could. Which, to be frank, was surprising amount. She wasn’t sure where this was going to go, but if Victoria asked to spend time with Kate more than once, then perhaps it was leading to something great. Even if they didn’t become the best of friends, they could find a mutual respect between each other. And sometimes that was just as sweet as a friendship.

  


“Sweet dreams, Victoria.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! Hope you all enjoyed the beginnings of my first fic! I'm still getting used to this site and how it all works, so if the formatting's a little wonky, bear with me. I promise I'll get better as time goes on :D


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